I'm using this more as a journal than anything. I'm posting this on here so that in years to come I can find it. So, yeah, sorry you have to hear me ramble.
Dear Baby,
I write this letter in my head as I lay here restlessly longing to be asleep. I think the word "difficult" would be an appropriate label for this pregnancy. I contemplate whether this could possibly be worth it, but then I think of having you here. I know I will get a tremendous reward at the end (you) but I realize that there really isn't any recognition for what I go through to get that reward.
I can now truly understand the terrible discomfort that my own mother went through to get me here. But do I really appreciate it? Not really. To truly show my appreciation for what she has done I should probably kneel down at her feet and thank her every day for giving me life, similarly to the way I thank the Lord for my life. Really, I owe my existence to both of them. Well, that's never happened. Not once. I'm hoping that someday you too are going to understand as well.
I write this letter, not to complain, but to explain my love for you, and all that I am going through for you. I go through all this before I even know you, yet I do it in faith that you will be worth it. Pregnancy is certainly the most selfless act of my life, never have I given up more of myself than when I am pregnant, and probably never again. I bring you into this world as a part of God's work, for truly he finds his eternal happiness through his children, as much as we do.
You were certainly ready to come here baby, as soon as we could get you here. I mean that in more ways than one. We prayed about having you, but didn't think it was going to be very easy to get you here. You are the closest thing we have ever had to a surprise, not surprised that you were coming, but surprised that you came so easily. I laughed as I saw the test turn positive, as I was not expecting it. Just days after I found out about you I got sick. I had no time to prepare mentally or physically. I spent months feeling sick, throwing up, and spending night and day in bed.
The sickness and fatigue didn't really go away when I hoped they would, It has been solid months of sickness. I'm VERY lucky to have found some medicine to offer temporary relief.
We went to the doctor and he told me you were coming. You were only 34 weeks along, so they told me I had to stay home and off my feet as much as possible. I've tried so hard to keep you inside. I want you to be as healthy and strong as possible to enter this world.
Baby girl, I have a hard time breathing. Your feet have found their favorite place, right inside my lungs. I also go to the bathroom 5-6 times in the night, and sometimes several times an hour during the day. I can't accomplish much even if I try, it takes me a long time to do simple tasks because I have to stop and rest so frequently. And of course, I'm not really sleeping very well at night since I get up so many times, I am very uncomfortable, and it feels like you are doing the riverdance every time I lay on my left side.
Basically my whole life is on hold until you are born, and I'm working so hard to keep you in longer so that you can have the very healthiest little body to live your life in. And some day, really not too far off in the future, I will have all this behind me, one pregnancy under my belt.
So someday when you can read this letter I want you to remember how special you are. I want you to know how hard your mother (and father, although I do think he gets the easier role in this) worked just to bring you into this world. Again, I know you'll never really appreciate it, but maybe you can go easy on me for some of the mistakes that I am certain to make in raising you, just knowing that for a few months I gave my whole self to you, giving up my body, my health, my comfort, and my lifestyle. I love you baby, and am excited to meet you. I know that someday all of this will be worth it. Just keep growing strong for me. Okay?
Love,
Mommy
Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble. I hope all is well for all of you!
